I wish I may....I wish I might..

Another week, another meme from the lovely Berry.  This week she would like us to ask the Sl genie for 3 wishes.  I see that a lot of people are struggling coming up with all three but I think this will be pretty easy for me. Its not that I am not happy in SL.  I am...I would not have come back if I wasn't.  Its just that there are reasons that I left the first time and they still seem to be there.  This time I am finding other ways to get around those reasons.  One of those being this blog.  I am so thrilled that people actually seem to be reading it and I have a few posts in mind for this week and for the next few.  So thank you to all of you who have been reading!  With that...here are my 3 wishes!

Wish #1 I think a lot of you have this same wish....I wish I was more social in SL.  Since I have come back to SL I added only one person from my old Slife.  I still only have that one friend.  Its not that people haven't reached out.  They have, but I am always so shy to add them.  I also find that if there is someone I really like that I am afraid to reach out to them.  I fear that by randomly asking them to hang out that they will think I want something from them or think I am too new or have other ulterior motives.  I guess fear and loneliness is what brought most of us to SL.  I wish I could just break out of my shell and not fear rejection...yeah good luck!

Wish #2  Judgy people are judgy....Wouldn't it be nice if we could all just get along?  I would love to be able to put up a platform somewhere and invite DJ's in and just have some getting to know your plurk friends parties.  I just know that this is not even an option.  Sure I could do it...but this person wont show because that person is going to be there. Or they will show just to start drama...or whatever!  I realize that anytime you get a group of people together some of them will not like each other.  Its so frustrating when trying to get to know people that person A who seems really nice wont be friends with you because you are friends with person B who also seems nice.  Hey I've already been blocked on plurk and been in my own share of drama.  I am certainly not perfect.  I just think that maybe we wouldn't all be so lonely if we just were less judgy and tried to get past our differences.

Wish#3  I touched on this once already in a past blog but here goes again.  I am not thrilled with the direction that SL seems to be going.  It seems to me and has been expressed to me by a couple of different people that SL clothing and sims have gone the way of the blogger.  What do I mean by that?  There are some AMAZING new mesh clothes out there, really there are BUT ummm how am I supposed to dance?  I feel like I am back in the old days sometimes with system skirts.  I feel like if I want to be social and try out a club that I can only wear jeans if I want to hang out and dance.  Some of the shorter skirts work but still look awkward to me.  I am so totally not knocking the designers because WOW...some of the stuff you all come up with I just cant even believe.  I just wish that SL would remember that not everyone here is here to blog.  Some of us want to run and jump and play and dance and still look cute.  So I guess my final wish is for an in between.  Clothes that you can look beautiful on a blog in but not weird on the dance floor.  I just want to do more than stand around and look pretty...is that too much to ask?  LOL


So those are my three wishes!  I am loving reading all of yours!  This has been such a great experience so far and I hope you enjoy reading!

Ta Ta!

Why do I blog?? Hmmmmm

I swear I will start blogging things other than Berry's memes soon.  I've been having some health issues lately and its been hard to drag myself online once I am home.  But for now....here is Why do I blog?


1. How long have you been blogging?

Not long, I had a blog on my old avi but it was mostly just playing around with pictures that I was never happy with.  So what about a month now?

2. Why did you start blogging?

I guess because I had some RL vs SL stuff I needed to get off my chest.  I never really expected to share this blog but at this point I feel like, what have I got to lose?  If it gets overwhelming I will just stop. 

3. How many times a week do you post an entry?

Once maybe twice a week depending on what is going on in my life.  I would like to blog more but for now that's about all I can do. 


4. How many different blogs do you read on a regular basis?

Tons....I put a bunch on here so I can see when people update and I can read them but I only get to read them a couple times a week.


5. Do you comment on other people’s blogs?

I try to.  I am challenging myself right now to comment more.  I have a bad habit of just saying something in plurk.  

6. Do you keep track of how many visitors you have?

Not really...I don't think many people read it.  I'm totally ok with that since I put a lot of personal stuff here.

7. Did you ever regret a post that you wrote?

Never...although what I have written 6 or 7 posts?  LOL I post what I am feeling if someone doesn't like it that is their problem not mine.

8. Do you think your readers have a true sense of who you are based on your blog?

I hope so.  I try to keep this both RL and SL since they seem to intertwine so much.  I am pretty much just me in all worlds although I am working on myself in both worlds to be less negative. 

9. Do you blog under your real name?

NO...THAT would cause drama I just don't need.


10. Are there topics that you would never blog about? 

Not really...I am pretty much an open book.  I don't censor myself but I keep stuff about my kid close to home.

11. What is the theme/topic of your blog?

RL vs SL is what I would like it to be.  I feel that a lot of people maybe have the same issues I do in that people in their RL are not accepting of your SL.  I will admit that I let it take over my life at some point but now I just go in to have fun.

12. Do you have more than one blog? If so, why?

Nope just this one =)

13. What have you found to be the benefits of blogging?

Sometimes its so great to just get things off my chest.  I would like to thing that there are other people out there struggling with the same things I do and if not maybe they can share some insight.  I am not a great writer and I don't pretend to be but again its nice to be able to just write and even if no one reads it I feel better.

14. So, why do you continue to blog?

I guess for me it is just cathartic.  I don't ever intend to be a fashion blogger but I do like to share pictures I think are pretty.  I am never going to be able to shop like some bloggers do nor do I ever expect free stuff.  My intention of this blog is to share what is going on with my life both RL and SL.  I will continue to blog as long as it feels good and if it ever becomes a bother I can just stop. 

Thank you Berry for these.  So nice to have a great starting off place for my blog!  If anyone else knows of places I can find blogger challenges or other memes like these please let me know!

Ta!

My SL Firsts!

 Hi there!  Finally a picture of me!  I am trying to teach myself layers in GIMP since I cant afford Photoshop.  I kinda liked how this came out except maybe a little too green.  :)
So continuing on my way through Strawberry Singh's memes we have SL firsts.  Now obviously since Starlight is still very new, I haven't done much more than tweak my shape and prettify myself....so I will have to do my old avi.  Since most of the people I will talk about are no longer around I think I'm pretty safe.

1. First SL Friend: Kulara.  She is the only person in my new SL that knows my old SL av.  She is someone I hope to always have in my life. =)
2. First SL Kiss: I think his name was Khush.  He was the first neko I had ever seen and I found him completely adorable.  This is before I knew about panties and I had several pics of us together with all my stuff hanging out.  *blush*
3. First SLex time/place/partner: LOL I wont even try to say I am an SL virgin.  His name was Johnny and I was head over heels for this one. 
4. First SL Partner/Girlfriend/Boyfriend/Wife/Husband: He was never my partner and I wont mention my first partner but Johnny and I hung out off and on for close to a year.  We both had so much going on in our RL that finally we took it back to friends.  He is a sweetheart of a guy and I hope he has had nothing but happiness
5. First SL Job: Host/Dancer at a club I cant remember the name of.  No one EVER came to it.
6. First SL Creation: haha I so cant create.  I've made slabs to take pictures in front of.  
7. First Encounter with a Linden: Shoot I cant remember her name, but there was a Linden that used to show up at a club I hosted at every once in a while to help us with lag.  She seemed sweet.
8. First Encounter with a SLebrity: Actually....I think it was Berry...I saw her at a fair dont remember which one though.  I remember I was on skype with my partner at the time and I flipped out! "OMG ITS STRAWBERRY SINGH!  You don't know her but her blog is amazing!  Should I say hi?  Should I tell her I think she rocks?  What should I do??????......oh she's gone"  haha
9. First SL Sim you fell in love with: It was actually my own land.  My first little quarter sim was my sanctuary.  It was actually just a huge garden and I loved it.
10. First SL Blog Post: lol it was what...5 posts ago?

So there you have it my SL firsts.  I have loved reading everyone elses and cant wait to do the next one!

TaTa!

5 things I hate about SL

Ok I can't say I actually "hate" ANYTHING about SL.  But there are definitely some things that bug me and thanks to Ms. Berry I get to complain about them!  I have actually been working really hard on being a more positive person in my RL.  So many of us get caught up in the bad things going on around us that we don't stop to say "Hey!  My life isn't so bad".  But sometimes it is nice to get some stuff off your chest... so here goes

1. Random Tp's - I think we have all had this happen to us.  We are standing there on a pose stand trying to figure out what hair works with which outfit and boom...Oh Hai!  Yes I am standing in the middle of your club with no clothes on and just a hair base and boots.  Grrrrrrr I'm actually pretty shy about showing my body in SL so that doesn't thrill me.
2. Unrequested group joiner spam - Oh how I have fought with this.  I had some girl requesting me to join her group about every 5 days.  I politely messaged her and asked her to stop sending me requests as I didn't know her nor wish to join her group.  At this point she got very nasty with me so I reported her.  I wound up having to report her about 15 times before LL did anything about it.  She was banned but then just created an alt and I started getting the requests from her alt.  It became a huge deal that I never want to deal with again.  So if someone politely declines...take them off your list!
3. Cliques - Now I understand that Cliques are going to happen in any social group.  But when you are just starting out as I am, I get frustrated by the fact that people are not open to meeting new people.  I see on plurk everyone complaining "I have no friends in SL, I stand alone on my platform all day."  But when you try to befriend them or maybe get to know them better you get shunned either because you are not a SLebrity, have a beautiful blog or can do something for them.  I am in no way saying everyone is like that.  Since I have come back I have met some really wonderful open people but sometimes I find it frustrating when I put myself out there and get nothing back.
4. People who are not willing to try new things - My Sl best friend is guilty of this ;P   When I came back to SL I was like "ACCCK Mesh! How do I do this?  Help me!"  I was told "I hate MESH its ruining my SL!"  Ok...I love her but how can Mesh ruin your SL?  I understand that her computer is old and maybe she cant wear or see Mesh on hers. I totally get it...It sucks to feel like you constantly have to upgrade your system to keep up with the times.  But it never hurts to try!  You might find you like it!
5. People who don't read profiles - Back in the day when I was partnered nothing drove me crazier than "Hey UR HAWT.....ASL?"  Ok...first of all learn to spell.  Second...if you say ASL to me...I wont continue the conversation...EVER.  Third...did you not see all the gushy lovey doveyness on my profile?  Why would you think I would even respond?  (Haha ok so I may have made up a word there)  Also I feel bad for designers who get out of the blue HELP ME IMs...most people have contact info in their profiles.  Unless it says...IM me anytime I'm happy to help.  ALWAYS drop a notecard and leave a little message..."Hey I dropped you a notecard cause I'm having issues with...." Not that difficult people.

Le Sigh...now that I got that off my chest I think I can be happy again for a while!

Ta Ta!

Procrastination Meme

Another Meme!  I have long been a fangirl of Strawberry Singh and I love that she is asking us to do these memes.  This one is the Procrastination Meme which is totally fitting for my day.  I am supposed to be working but my mind is just not on work today so between putting in a check here and there I am going to answer these questions!

1. What is the rez date for your current SL Avatar that you use most often? Starlight Composer - Jan 4, 2010  although I only started on this account about a month ago.
2. Where was the first place you made friends as a newb and got to know people in Second Life? Back on my old account I accidentally wound up at a club called Aftershock which is where I met most of the people I hung with my whole last avatars life.
3. Where do you spend most of your SL time now? In my linden home I am hoping to find myself a little place to put a skybox sometime soon.
4. Who is your closest friend in Second Life? (only pick one) Kulara Darkstone.  She was my first friend in SL and the only person I have added from my old life.
5. What is the most favorite thing in your inventory? (only pick one) I dont have much but the new Truth hair from FaMESHed.
6. The last thing you purchased in Second Life?  Same as above
7. What color clothing does your avatar wear most often? Red or Pink
8. Do you prefer to walk, run or fly? Probably Run, I am far too impatient for walking but mostly I stand in one place and cam around if I can
9. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done in SL? I remember many years ago I had a sweet little beach island and everyone around me had nice little places with gardens and then someone moved in and threw up a huge ugly castle.  They were always shouting and then coming over to my island and having pixel sex in my house.  So I may or may not have shot sperms and left freenises all over their island.
10. Who would you like to play YOU, in the movie of your SLife? Oh geez this is a hard one...Reese Witherspoon maybe?  It would be a pretty boring movie :)

There you have it...I have procrastinated alll morning.  So maybe I should go do some work.  Naaaaaah!

Ta Ta!

My SL 7

I've still been trying to decide if I am going to follow thru with this blog and I really want to but I'm just not sure what to write about.  I don't want this to be a fashion blog although when I find something fab I would like to blog it other than that I am thinking this will mostly be a RL vs SL blog.  So I thought a great way to start out would be to do the fab Strawberry Singh's memes.  The first one being my 7 SL facts.  Yes I know I am very behind but I would like to start from the beginning and go from there.  Enjoy!

My SL Fact #1:
As many of you know this is not my first avatar.  I left SL about a year and a half ago due to the ending of an SL/RL relationship and starting of a RL relationship.  At the time of leaving I was feeling overwhelmed by my Sl and my responsibilities although they were nothing compared to what some people deal with.  I felt that for my personal mental health I needed to end some very unhealthy relationships that I had developed in SL and try to focus more on myself.  I missed SL very much and if nothing else enjoy standing in my Linden home just trying on clothes. 
My SL Fact #2:
When I left SL before I had not tried Mesh anything and coming back was very confused by Mesh.  I feel like SL is starting to focus more on stuff that bloggers can blog and look pretty instead of things that you can realistically wear and dance and play in.  I am hoping I am wrong but that's the way it seems to me.
My SL Fact #3:
I have been back in SL for less than a month and my inventory is already out of hand.
My SL Fact #4:
I have always wanted to own my own sim but don't think I could ever afford it or know enough people to keep it full and fun.
My SL Fact #5:
Keeping with the RL vs SL part of my blog I found my RL shopping getting out of hand without having SL to shop in to get that same rush which is part of the reason I wanted to come back to SL.
My SL Fact #6:
I have only told one person from my old avi's life that I have come back to SL.  She was my very first friend in SL and will always be one of my best RL friends.
My SL Fact #7:
I think that this time around will be so much more fun because I am trying to put myself out there to people I never would have before and also because I am so happy in my RL relationship I wont feel the pressures of finding an SL love. 


So there you have it!  My SL Seven!  I am not a writer nor will I pretend to be, but I hope that you all will enjoy my blog. 

Ta Ta!

RL vs. SL

The people in my RL think of SL as this horrible addiction for me.  I have been told by several of my girlfriends that they were worried about me when I was in SL before.  Yes there was a time that I let it go too far.  I became so fully invested in my SL that I let parts of my RL go.  I made a conscious effort about a year and a half ago to fix my RL and let SL go. 

As I said in my previous post I am slowly realizing that I CAN have both.  I can sit in the living room with my boyfriend and be on SL at the same time.  I mean really I am not someone who can be idle for very long so even if we are just watching tv, I am playing games on my phone or something so what is the difference?

I adore my boyfriend...I really do.  He came into my life at my lowest point and has really lifted me up and made me a better person.  He cooks and cleans and basically takes care of me.  He is the best wife in the world!  LOL

I brought up to him, about 2 weeks ago my thoughts about SL.  How I missed it and that I would like to get back into it.  I told him that I would start over as a new av because I needed to get away from the life I was leading in SL before.  I used to work in clubs and was so tired in being caught up in all the club dramas and really just wanted to dress pretty, maybe have a home to make nice and take pictures of myself and maybe learn photoshop or building or something productive.  He kind of rolled his eyes at me and said "well as long as it doesn't become all consuming I guess I don't mind."  YES!  I got the go ahead!  Not that I really needed to ask his permission but I wanted to involve him in this decision because I felt it was only fair. 

So Friday night I grabbed my computer, sat down and logged in. AAAAAAAAACK I was RUTHED!  Like....I looked like RUTH.  I almost logged off right then and there.  HAHA  I got myself to my Linden home (I signed up for premium mainly so I had a place to get myself together that was not an info hub or sandbox) and hit the marketplace for a skin and shape.  I knew that they would probably not be what I kept but I needed a place to start.  I purchased a cute little mesh dress from Cold Logic and got to fixing up my shape the way I liked it. 

Meanwhile, every time I looked up my BF was looking over at the computer screen.  I finally got frustrated and asked him if it really was ok with him.  He said of course that he was just going to give me crap about it.  Whatever, I deal with his giving me a hard time everyday. 

I reached out to one of two friends I wanted to reconnect with and we had a nice chat and all in all I was probably in sl about an hour and a half.  Saturday night I logged in again and kept working on making myself presentable so that I can go out and shop and this time he pretty much left me alone (besides the occasional jab about how concentrated I was and that he wished I concentrated that hard on his penis...BOYS UGH!).

Sunday I decided I would have a marathon RealWorld San Francisco day because watching that season truly in a way changed my life.  Seeing Pedro and his struggles with HIV/AIDS has in part made me the crusader for gay rights and HIV prevention that I am today.  The BF went into his office and closed his door.  When I asked him why he just said he wasn't interested and was going to watch a movie on his computer.  I was a little bit upset because I sit and watch his Pawn Stars, Amazing Homes, Storage Hunters and allll of that crap he watches even though I'm not interested just to spend some time with him.  I felt that he wasn't showing me the same courtesy but whatever his loss.

This brings us to last night,  I didn't log in on Sunday or yesterday but was looking at blogs last night for some inspiration on clothes I'd like to purchase and style ideas.  I decided to show my BF some of the pictures that people have done and explain how beautiful I think they are.  Again he started to give me a bunch of crap (he thinks he is funny).  I started to get upset and told him that I wish that he would just for once actually take interest in something that is important to me.  He basically told me that he really doesn't care if I am on SL, again as long as it doesn't become all consuming, but he is sarcastic and will give me a hard time.

I guess at this point I am torn.  My feelings are a bit hurt and I don't really know how to tell him.  I also don't want SL to come in and hurt our relationship.  I truly believe our relationship is stronger than that but I will sacrifice SL waaaay before I will sacrifice my relationship.   I can always find other creative outlets. 

I really don't know the point of this other than venting.  I wonder if other people deal with this kind of stuff.  I know several people from my past SL that refuse to talk about SL with anyone in their RL.  Its like their dirty little secret.  I don't live that way.  If I am excited about something then I tend to tell people about it.  I may be a little more secretive this time though to be honest. 

So I guess the point of this to the few people who may read this is: how does SL come into play in your RL?  Do you sacrifice RL relationships for it?  Do you feel like its an addiction?  I'm just curious if anyone else go through these types of things with the people in their RL.

P.S. If you read this whole thing I send you sprinkle cookies!